Saturday, October 01, 2005

Howard Dean's Secret Memo

To: DSCC, DCCC, & NYT (Except David Brooks)
Fr: Howard Dean, DNC

YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! It has been a good week, hasn't it?

In light of recent events, I'd just like to make a few recommendations. First, mention Hurricane Katrina whenever possible. For example, in response to the confirmation of John Roberts, an effective answer might be: "While I am disappointed that John Roberts has been confirmed as Chief Justice, what about the justice for the victims of Katrina? Or, if asked what the Democrat exit strategy is in Iraq, since we haven't come up with one yet, you might answer with "A lot better than FEMA's exit strategy for those fleeing Katrina!". Then move on immediately to the next question. No point in getting into specifics, New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin and Louisiana Governor Blanco are Democrats, after all.

Along these same lines, we want to work Tom DeLay as often as we can.

Q. Will the Democrats in the Senate even make an attempt to work with the White House on the nomination of (fill in the blank, it doesn't matter who Bush nominates, we're going to oppose it.) to the Supreme Court, or will they use the fillibuster to delay confirmation?

A. That is a very good question. We are very troubled by the actions of Tom DeLay...

See how easy that is!

Find a way to mix in Bill Frist and the sale of his HCA stock as well; remember the standard to which we hold the Republicans is the mere appearance of impropriety; for us, as Al Gore demonstrated, it is "controlling legal authority". (Senator Clinton, the commodities queen, might want to lay off this one.)

Lastly, don't forget Bill Bennett. Mention him whenever possible expressing maximum outrage. (Note: Exclude Senator Byrd from this.)

If we move forward with this strategy we can't help but do well in 2006. We may even take back Congress. If that happens, at some point, eventually, we will actually have to develop a plan for governing.

We can all talk our future strategy over dinner. Senator Schumer, you're buying! You still have Lt. Gov. Steele's credit card numbers, don't you?


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